All I want for Christmas..

.. is BIG presents under the tree

NO noisy brothers

lot of chocolate

sleeping to dinner

lots of snow

a cute boyfriend

a good pyjamas

no housework

internet access

no exams in January

a good movie (or five)

a nice Christmas tree

When you are done with assignments

..... you just need a little nice weekend by the sea.

Washing

College made it easy to wash clothes. “No worries!”

If I could be a boy

Right now I should be doing Understand Society assignment. But hey, I got ages to finish that, or at least I think so. Anyway I was thinking of what it would be to be a boy. Like, with facial hair and a little do-that down there. There are many things a boy can to that a girl can’t, like;

· Pee your name in the snow (or on the wall)
· Never worry about periods and stuff
· If you are lazy, you are cool
· You can call yourself Fat-boy or Scrappy without feeling like a 10 year old
· Your bathroom is always tidy since you only need about 5 things
· But your living room is a mess!
· Beer and cornflakes is a good breakfast
· You only need one outfit during the school year
· You don’t give birth
· You can watch porn, and not needing to turn your head to know what they are doing
· You only need to know three words “mhm, uhu and oh dear”
· Bart Simpson is your GOD, and it’s ok.
· Work out vs. homework
· BH’s is fascination, for hours
· No one understands women, end of discussion
· You can be mad on your mate for the whole of two hours
· PMS means “football on TV” for a whole week

What to do when you have forgot to do your homework

1, never say you didn't do it! You did, but the dog ate it
- If that don't work

2, my homework ate my dog
- that will probably not work

3, hide under your desk
- if the teacher does not see you, she\he wont miss you either

4, skip class
- bad idea

5, come late and wear you pyjamas AND forget your shoes
- no one will ever ask about you homework

Types of teachers

You have many different types of teachers.

1, The old boring one
He arrives in class about 20 minutes too late with his coffee and a pile of papers. He hand then out, find himself a chair and read it out loud. He does not notice that he have made the whole class fallen asleep and yet he keeps going on about something very important. He usually dress in gray, his favorite colour. And on some casual Fridays he might be brave enough to use some colour, on his socks.

2, The cool teacher
She or he is probably the only one in the teachers restroom who still remember how it is to deal with spots, parents and not getting a new Ipod for Christmas. They dress cool, usually talk to their students about everyday things like chewing gum and they do not have any children yet , and they do not take their job back home.

3, The I-want-to-be-cool
They do anything! Like stripping during a truth or dear with students.


4, The buss driver
He is not a teacher at all. He usually talk and expect that everyone know what he is talking about. He also tell stupid jokes but he is always happy. He has one major interest and that is usually something to do with motors. It's the teacher everyone laughs at, not with.

5, Hitler
He speaks and you listen. That's it. He gives you unpleasant surprise-tests and just point at people if he wants a question answered. And if you for some weird reason do not know the answer to "What happened the 8 may in USA, under the Vietnam war", well, run. He is dressed like the 50's but you can make sure he has some pictures of himself in a tiny red shorts from the 80's

6, The weird teacher

He is probably a math teacher. How to calculate the area of an octopus you say? Well that is piece of cake. He is wearing a shirt that is about as old as he is, glasses, wellies and a backpack from the 18th century.

How would you describe your worst teacher? (extra points for swearwords, in any language;)

Ps. do not mention any names!

Class

What to do while waiting for a teacher:

- Check facebook
- Check the news
- Do some homework
- Gossip
- Eat breakfast
- Sleep
- Drink coffee
- Eat anything sugary
- Write an E-mail
- Drew teacher on blackboard
- Make nasty noises
- Draw a penis on your artwork
- Tell the girl you fancy about your drunken night out
- Wipe the blackboard before teacher sees it


... And now she comes.

How to feed yourself

To feed yourself you need money. To get money you need a job, or a sugar daddy or very very kind parents.

Well, if you don't want to work, you can go on dates (free dinner!)

or you can buy a ugly sleeping bag and sit on a bridge with a old one-time-use coffee cup,

or you can learn pole dancing,

or exchange good marks for money (with your parents, like an A is 100 EUR).

You can make Christmas cards instead of buying presents this year

or write a very good novel

or start knitting

or say something smart and get quoted all the time

or buy a fancy dress and make sure you get your picture taken at all major events

or do an "Joe the plumber"

or make a very cool t-shirt

or turn off the heat

or move back home to your parents

or just sleep all day

or not eat

or you can write a good blog and put Ad's on it

or you can just get a job.

When everything sucks

The DVD collection sucks, the food sucks, the teachers sucks, your assignment sucks, the weather sucks, the TV program sucks, the sofa sucks, all the people on MSN sucks, your car sucks, your personal economy sucks and your new job definitely sucks. The only thing that does not suck, is your vacuum cleaner.

The college list

THE list of what you need for college;

Short version
Remember beer.

Long version:
Buy clothes in the same colour, so you don't need to worry about the typical washing problems.
Beer
Earplugs
A warm jacket
Let your mom help you moving, so you can get a lot of stuff you need for free.
Don't go naked on parties, even thought you really want to.
You don't need to be a good dancer, you just copy others.
Buy a jacket with a lot of pockets so you don't need a purse.
Never start a fight with a person taller than you.
Start with assignments right away, or pay someone to do it.
Be organised, learn how to hide your mess.
Find IKEA, or Dunnes Stores
Go on dates all the time, get free dinner.
Always put your charm on older men at the bar, they get you beer and never dance.
You don't need to remember names "you are the one from France, right?"
Never speak "drunk" with someone sober.
Never snog the most handsome guy, he might be a source of STD's. (Sexually Transmitted Disease)
CONDOMS
If someone put a flashlight in your face, you probably are on the wrong place at the wrong time.

You Got Mail!

Today I got a parcel from Afghanistan!

I have a parcel-friend who is serving in Afghanistan now and he sent me a beautiful scarf, a hat (like the one the human smuggler in the movie The Kite Runner use) And he also sent me a postcard from the military camp he have been living in for several months, and he also drew a ring around his sleeping tent. And i must say I prefer The Halls of Residence, that tent looked a bit to chilly for me.

Things I learned today

1. Toast with baked beans is not a tasty treat, and won't be eaten ever again.

2. Chicken soup with extra onion and sweet corn is heaven.

3. It is sort of legal here in Ireland to take an abortion, if you go to see a psychiatrist about committing suicide if you have to keep the baby.

4. I want to fly back to Norway, especially when the ticket to and from is 46 EUR.